Sunday, August 22, 2004

Mom, Me and some voices

Today mom left for London. As predicted, things did not go well at the airport. She really controlled her sobbing and was crying in a muffled state. That can hurt really bad in the chest. It's happened to me before. So a part of me was worried about her falling ill. But she did not take the going away very well at all. It ripped me apart and any strength I had saved for her going away immediately crumbled like a house of cards.

I really really really cannot withstand her crying. It's not the crying that bothers me. She just looks so sad, so depressed and unwilling to let go of the joy that she's had. It makes me proud on one hand that she loved it here. It tears my heart out to see her go through suffering before she really leaves. I know she will be fine. Voices inside of me keep telling me that. Voices also tell me that she's going to reach London OK and some other voices tell me I'll see her again soon.

Have you ever had these voices talk to you? They are very helpful. They are not necessarily comforting but they are definitely truthful and that is the helpful part. You expect something to happen some way and there's a voice that tells you whether it will or won't. You can supress that voice for sure but it'll do it's job - tell you and go away. It's upto you to listen. Anyway, so these voices helped provide some degree of comfort. She will be fine. She will reach London okay and she will be happy to see everyone there. She is not going to be sad.

Thank God for those voices !


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