Sunday, January 16, 2005

The year of "the churning within"

This year has started off very strangely. Actually I think things started to move in a different direction last December. What I do not know is whether or not this is just a passing phase or if this is permanent. But it's definitely intimidating at times because things move so fast that it confuses the heck out of me on what is going on.

You ever get the feeling that you're digging yourself into a hole and all you do to remedy that is dig harder and faster with a bigger shovel. You get into situations you don't want to be in, but you know you're in them because you chose to be in them. Sometimes life plays tricks like these.

Anyway, back to the "phase" that I think I'm going through. If this phase is not just a phase, then life is going to change very fast and in a very big way.

1) Re-building broken bridges: I'm starting to get to know better, the people from my past. While some of this is good, a lot of it can be very damaging. There is a lot of overhead involved and digging up the past brings back the good, AND, the bad. But I've been doing that more and more starting this year. By the end of this year, either I shall be in a major mess or I shall know more people than I ever have.

2) Work takes a backseat: If you had met me last August/September and asked me to rank my top 10 priorities, work would have been at the third or fourth place - easily. This January, if I were to do my top 10 priorities list, work does not even figure in there. It's simply gone away. Lots of reasons.....but most of it is basic math. I can work half as hard as I do, still be equal or more productive than most co-workers, and get the same kind of monetary and non-monetary incentives. I have sort of hit a glass ceiling at work.

3) Getting unfinished business done: I want to be a physically fit person. Right now, I've got some muscle tissue here and there and mostly just skin and very little fat. I definitely don't want to look gorily hunky. But I want to be fit. I also want to learn the guitar and get into music in a very big way. I want to blog more actively and I want to keep up my technical blog. This is all unfinished business from the past. And I plan on moving these up on the priority list. Now you see why work has plummeted in such stellar fashion?

4) Look better: I think I look okay, but I am so careless about it that I look like shit more often than I should be. I can understand if I'm working in the garage and am greased and look like shit. But I look homeless and on Social Security benefits when I'm going to Walmart or something like that. I need to change that. People treat you differently if you aren't dressed as if you are the definition of the bottom level of the poverty line. I have definitely felt that. Anyway, that needs to change. I need to take care of that. I also look shabby at work somedays and that's not good either.

5) Spend more time with myself: I like to think a lot. Unfortunately, I also like to talk a lot. Talking has to take a backseat and allow the thought process to drive the car for a while. If I really really put my mind to things, I can figure them out and move on. The problem is to shut up long enough. And that's going to happen....that's a given. I shall be talking much less.

6) Advance my career: This is really common. The uncommon thing is, I want to do this outside of work. I have written several previous blogs about how my work situation has been lately. For me to grow in my career, I have to do it outside of the workplace. I have to find people, connect with people, share my knowledge and learn more. One way to start this is right here

These sound like New Year resolutions. But they aren't. I have no clue when I'll get to these. I just know that these are my priorities and they are going to be a very big part of my life in the near future. If this is just a phase and I go back to being the original "me"....well then so be it. No regrets and no remorse.

2 Comments:

Blogger jody said...

Sounds like you are all ready on your way to accomplishing those few small goals. Accomplish small goals and you'll see the big goals are not that far away. Baby steps.... gotta crawl before you walk. :) good luck!

9:38 PM  
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