Friday, April 29, 2005

A friend, a traveler and an uplifter

Noddy (my cute wifey) often wonders why I don't write much about her over here. There are multiple reasons. Firstly things between a couple are too personal to discuss on a broad platform such as this. To top it all, we both are very secretive about what goes on in the four walls (okay maybe seven walls) of our home between thee two of us. That's why it stays off the air and we like it that way. But I think this post can clearly be said to be about her and about wives in general.

When I got married to Noddy, we had been dating for almost five years. For me, the change from dating couple to married couple was "supposed" to be transparent. But somehow, somewhere along the line, things started to change. Life brings on different challenges as you grow. Maybe more , maybe less but certainly different. And unknown to me, Noddy went from girlfriend to life partner. The change was concrete yet subtle and it took me a while to notice it and absorb it. But I am definitely aware of it now. I'm sure I've changed similarly, taken a similar role and she's observed it too but this post isn't about me (for once!!)

There's a lot of strength that she gives me. No doubt she has her weaknesses like any human being. But she holds on to me and doesn't let go (figuratively speaking) when life continues to throw crap balls at me using big cannons from a distance. That reassurance is something I cannot get from anyone else except her. Knowing that someone is there for you, unconditionally and selflessly, is an unbelievably strong pillar of strength. She doesn't have to do anything special or don a Zeba Warrior Princess costume to appear strong ... just her presence and sustained support does it.

Most Americans might not get why this is so important to me. Part of the reason is, I come from a culture where, for generations, majority of wives have been treated as people who's roles outside of the kitchen require permission from the husbands. It was an extremely pro-male society until the recent decades. Things have changed a LOT from those times, but even a large social change can start to look like a drop in the ocean in a country of 1.2 billion people such as mine. That's why what Noddy brings to the table (besides food) is so important for me to know and acknowledge. It has a lot to do with where we come from. It is really sad that in my country we wasted generations where, had men allowed women to contribute and be REAL partners with them, they might have actually progressed more than they have.

Noddy also has a lot to do with who I am now and where I am. She's like the assistant-coach of this game called life. We decide our plays together, we tackle the oppositions we face with a clear gameplan and when we lose a battle we're holding each other's hands (unlike most traditional coaches who don't hold hands) and we're laughing and preparing for the next one. And sometimes men severely underestimate how much this can cherish a relationship. It's not all rosy and we have our disagreements, our fights and our regular couple blah blahs.... but the fundamentals never change.....NEVER. It's easy to see why they won't...we've got way too much committment into each other to be able to get away from it all without literally uprooting our existence.

Anyway, that's too much mushy stuff for at least six months now, so back to the regularly scheduled blog posting for me. I just thought it was about time I wrote something about this, not for people to see, but for me to log away and then eventually read it years later when I need big thick reading glasses, and I'm bald and don't have much of a dental architecture left.

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