Monday, July 25, 2005

A religiously offending post -- do not read if offended easily

At lunch today, a discussion started about religions. I don't know how but anyway it got started. A little background - I'm not an atheist ... I'm a believer in God but I don't subscribe to religion. I respect the fact that people believe in them and would never try to convince them otherwise. So go with that background into reading this post.

So anyway at lunch we started talking about stuff that's funny about religions and I started concocting a story about me sitting around a Hindu scholar and a Christian scholar and they were all trying to chastise me about being non-religious and wanted to tell me what why one's religion is better than the other's

Sheeshers: Hi folks... I heard there's free food here so I thought I'd stop by and ....

Hindu scholar: Come Come. God always feeds His children.

Sheeshers: Really? So the homeless and the hungry ones must not belong to Him then. Hmm... those people really need to find their parent God if they're looking to get fed.

Christian scholar: Jesus is the God for everyone. He loves the rich, the poor, the hungry ... everyone is loved. They are all His children....this Hindu guy knows nothing. Ignore him ... he isn't even wearing a shirt....just a long thread around his chest. Look at me, I have a robe from Georgio Armani.

Sheeshers: Umm... as far as I know, Jesus sacrificed Himself on the cross and He wasn't exactly wearing an Armani suit. He looked like Gandhi..... a man of the poor.

Christian scholar: You know nothing. Jesus died for our sins.

Sheeshers: Hey, I wasn't born then. I didn't have many sins at that time. I sure have oodles of sins now but I'll die for them on my own, thank you very much. On second thoughts, can I pick someone else to die for my sins? I'd like to see some people gone off this planet.....people like child molesters can certainly die for my sins and I won't even blink. I'll continue to live happily as the world will be a much safer place for my children.

Hindu scholar: See that's the problem with Christianity. Why would their God die for your sins. We believe that you die for your own sins and they determine what you are reborn as. I think the Hindu Gods are the true ones because they created the Universe and the Christian God was born into the universe. So our Gods came before their God was even born.

Sheeshers: that's strange. If Hindu Gods came before the Universe was invented, why is the entire Hindu mythology based on this planet. We could very well have used their original place of residence. Why did they all come here and decide to create history. Secondly, my problem there is that Hindu Gods are very specialized. So I have to have a Yellow Pages book to decide which God to pray to. You've got a God for creation , a God for wealth, another one for music, another one for education. So each time I cross a particular phase in life, I gotta ditch one God and move on to another. I kinda feel bad about the one I left behind. I think you need some consolidation and down-sizing. Certain departments can be managed by more than one God. They're truly very powerful and capable Gods and I'm sure they can handle the added responsibility.

Christian scholar: That's why we only have one God.

Sheeshers: Then who is Mother Mary? It seems to me that Catholics and Protestants have very different views about Christianity, so it's not true that there's one version of your God either.

Hindu scholar: But Hinduism is only one ... there's only one way to follow it. Everything revolves around do good Karma you're going to come back as something really nice. You do bad Karma and you'll be at the lowest rung of the society.

Sheeshers: I do have serious problems with that. I currently feel not so far away from the lowest rung of the society, being a human. We're like parasites. We consume, destroy and then move on. We're now looking to see if Mars or any other planets out there are habitable because we're kinda done with ruining this planet. On a separate note, if Karma decides what you become in your next life.... can you map me the Karma path between me i.e. a human and a Penguin or a Panda? I like Penguins and Pandas and I'd like to do the correct mixture of good and bad Karma to come back as one of those in my next life. I think you should sell books that show how to get to things people want to be. That's a great business venture instead of trying to lecture idiots like me.

Christian scholar: This is so pointless.

Hindu scholar: He is completely ignorant

Sheeshers: Has either one of your Gods thought about owning a Porsche? I think that would rock.


Anonymous Naughtomaton said...

Dave ownes a Porche. I nominate him for God.

10:37 AM  
Blogger Sheeshers said...

Agreed. All hail God Dave...:D

10:48 AM  
Blogger Denise said...

lol...and we wonder why people are crazy nowadays...
"Religion" in and of itself is simply religion. It's the personal belief and following and what you are privately convicted by that counts the most. I think you are right.

1:38 PM  
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